Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
