Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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