3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
