At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
