You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
