my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Randomize
