You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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