Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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