I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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