Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
do herpes really smell.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
