what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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