k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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