I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
