cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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