I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
