there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize