I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
