I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
