Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
