He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
