wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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