Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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