just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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