quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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