the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize