When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
