Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
