Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
