Moan for me like Helen Keller
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He passed out mid-signature
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
