i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
