You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
