i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
