Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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