My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
