I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
