shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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