Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
