i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
