I want to stick my p in your. b.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
