just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize