i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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