The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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