Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize