Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
