okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
