I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
