Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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