Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
as a side note pls kill me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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