for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
honey bunches of taint.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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