guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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