True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This is my gift to your gina
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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