I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
