ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
