Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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