I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
