Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
