I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize