I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
