Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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