she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
