I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
