Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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