Cold hands, warm shart.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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