Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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