Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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