I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
