i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
