Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
