Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
